I Don't Give a Fuck About "They"

Who is "They"?

Let me first go on the record and state that I have nothing but love and compassion for transgender people. As a member of the "alphabet mafia", myself, I have known a few transgender individuals. Sadly none of them have fared well because of a world that doesn't understand or accept their situation. The general population's utter discontent or hatred for trans people is deplorable. This lack of acceptance or compassion at the very least, causes many trans people a great deal of anguish. Many attempt or actually commit suicide. This is a terrible tragedy, and something which shouldn't be taken lightly.

After gay rights were "won" there were many individuals who decided transgenderism was the next big cause to fight for. I support the struggle for transgender rights, as I belive that all people should be able live with dignity, love, and respect. All this being said, as with any political struggle there is a degree of fuckwittery and bullshit that must be called out, and that is what this article is about. I'm not going to use this as an opportunity to define the difference between gender and sex. There are plenty of other resources available with which you can do that. At the very least, you can do some bad research on Wikipedia. That should be adequate to give you an understanding of the situation.

The common saying is that gender isn't binary, or that there are more than 2 genders. I would agree with that statement to the point that I recognize 3, myself. I recognize that there is a male gender, a female gender, and a spot in the middle which allows one to float between the two. The middle is more "transitional" than anything else and is not really a state of being. (It is fluidity, if you will.)

A Different Context

To put it in a different context, there's a famous bar that straddles the borders of the states of Florida and Alabama. They call it the "Flora-bama". One state allows their bars to be open till a certain hour (2:00 AM I believe). After that, every person in the bar who wishes to stay past that state's "last call" has to grab their drinks and step over to the other state's side where bars are allowed to be open later.

When one is in Alabama, they are in Alabama.

When one is in Florida, they are in Florida.

There is technically a spot in the middle where an individual can have one foot in Alabama and one in Florida, but it's transitional. You can't stay there forever. Eventually, you'll have to go to the bathroom, or it will be "last call" on one side, etc…

There are no measurements or degrees of being Alambamian or Floridian (save that one transitory spot in the middle). If you're astride, the second you pick up one of your feet…you're on one of the two sides. That's it. There is no recognizable permanent state of being in the middle. Nor, should there be. It's transitional; You're being "state fluid." One can't be "Florabamaian" or "Alafloridian".

The bar in question actually "identifies" as Floridian. Their mailing address is in Perdido Key, Florida. Since they're serving alchohol on the Alabama side, they're required to be licensed there as well, but legally it's still a Florida bar. When Alabama mails the license, it is mailed to Florida.

Pronouns, Pronouns Everywhere

So where am I going with this?

The English language has existed for hundreds of years. Pronoun structure was developed within the language to refer to a person without having to formally address them in every statement, and was developed in such a way that minimizes confusion. Typically, "he/him" if the person is male and "she/her" if the person is female. "They/them" is commonly used if there is more than one person. "They/them" has also been used to refer to individuals, but this generally isn't the norm. Everyone knows this. It is not a surprise.

For those individuals whose gender expression lies in the fluid, transitory state ("non-binary") there has been a push by them to use a different set of pronouns. They've noticed that very few in society are really interested in accomodating this request. They claim it is out of bigotry and refusal to recognize their non-binary status. I disagree. I feel most people have never used these pronouns in the way the non-binary person would like them to. It's un-natural and defies their linguistic sense of "auto-pilot". "They" is used for 2nd person plural in the common manner of speaking. It has been for quite a long time. To use it outside of that context creates confusion.

Here's an example:

Kelly met up with their friends and they spent the day together. They went to the restaurant and ordered drinks. They also went to the mall and went shopping. They picked up a slushie in the food court and discussed the different outfits they bought.

Who ordered the drinks? - was it the entire group, or just Kelly?

Who bought outfits?

Did everyone go to the mall?

Did everyone buy a slushie or was it just Kelly?

Sorry, but linguistically the use of "they/them" as a singular doesn't work in the majority of cases.

I'm not a complete asshole. I recognize your non-binary status, and will do my best to accomodate using your preferred pronouns, but I'm not required to think your pronouns make sense. I don't. I think they're fucking stupid and don't make any sense. While I respect your right to use them, you have to realize that no one uses them naturally this way. You can't get all cunty if someone accidentally slips and uses the pronouns for the gender you're expressing. This is especially true when it's obvious that the person who accidentally used the wrong words wasn't intentionally trying to be offensive. For Christ's sake, meet us half-way.

You Can't Assume Gender

Yes you can.

Not to dimish the expierience of, or oppress a minority. From the latest studies, the incidence of transgenderism in society is less than 1% of the population. At the most, the estimations are about 0.6% of the total. This means that in 99.4% of cases, if you guess the person's gender you are extremely likely to be correct. You would only mis-gender someone a fraction of .6% of the time. Chances are good, if a person looks like a dude and you call him "he", or the person looks like a "chick" and you call her "she", you're right. There's little reason to suspect that anyone would be offended by that. It's perfectly ok.

Furthermore, there is a trend to identify your pronouns as you introduce yourself. While this doesn't hurt anyone, it's also fucking stupid. Once again, 99.4% of the time the person's gender expression allows for the rest of society to accurately guess their gender. The is is completely unnecessary. I'm not saying that one shouldn't do it, but one shouldn't have to do it.

This doesn't mean that person should be chastised or made fun of for doing so. There are some legitimate circumstances where the person's gender may not be immediately obvious. A friend of mine has a rather high-pitched voice and feminine articulation on the phone. So much so, that a good portion of the people with whom he speaks mistakenly identify him as a woman. In his particular situation, there could be a degree of confusion. It would make perfect sense for him to answer the phone "Hello, this is Johnathan and my pronouns are he/him."

What About Other Non-binary Gender Pronouns?

What about them? Very few people actually know what they are or give a fuck. Good luck making those pronouns part of the vernacular!

Does it Really Hurt Your Feelings?

As a non-binary or gender fluid individual, does it really hurt your feelings when someone uses non-gender neutral pronouns to refer to you? If you're predominantly dressed like a dude, does it really upset you if somone says "he", "mister", or refers to you as that "guy" over there? Do you really even care?

Once again, I'm not a complete asshole. If a person identifies as non-binary and asks me to use "they/them" pronouns, I would do my best to accomodate. But, if you're wearing blue hair fashioned in a feminine looking way along with purple lipstick, clearly the gender you're predominantly expressing is female. Would you really be upset if I referred to you as "she" accidentally?

No One Knows What "Non-binary" Is

No, seriously. Other than making the claim and identifying themselves as such, there is absolutely nothing scientific or otherwise which really defines what "non-binary" means. The case for establishing such a thing isn't helped by the fact that the vast majority of people I've encountered in the past who claim to be non-binary are really just political acitivists trying to be attention whores. While I respect that they're trying to draw attention to the transgender cause, by claiming to be this "non-binary" thing in the name of activism doesn't really seem to help the siutation. Clothing, hair styles, mannerism, etc… are extremely engendered. While it is true that some of that is societal stereotype, it is a thing regardless. You running around claiming to be non-binary when it's obvious that you are trying to express a specific gender is ridiculous, please stop. The whole situation is as ridiculous as trying to be "non-conformist", but then conforming to society's defnition of non-conformity by wearing shit you bought from Hot Topic. 🤦‍♂️

Let's Make a Deal

I promise to try and not be an asshole and use your preferred pronouns, but please don't be upset if I accidentally use the pronouns for the gender your clearly expressing. Sorry Sis, I didn't mean anything by it. But, you're clearly expressing a particular gender and you know that. Are you really upset that I didn't say "they"?